All people are equal: Everyone looks silly sitting on the toilet
When I was growing up, my mother used to always say to me in Cantonese, “people don’t respect you because we’re poor.” Mum worked full-time as a room attendant, is a single mother of two, and I grew up living in housing commission. We were very poor.
This past July, I attended TEDGlobal 2009. It is an invite-only event for people who are up to great stuff around the world. Other attendees at the conference included Gordon Brown, Stephen Fry, Jeff Bezos, Cameron Diaz, Meg Ryan, and millionaires and billionaires from around the world.
At the event however, I mostly spoke to people I’d never heard of, people who didn’t look arrogant, or people who approached me. I didn’t have the courage to approach any of the above mentioned, most of the headlining speakers, or the well-known organisers of the event. I had it that because they were famous and well-known, and I wasn’t, then I wasn’t good enough to talk to them.
Luckily, most of the people there didn’t look arrogant and weren’t famous and well-known to me, so I was able to speak with many people. When I spoke to these people, I could converse freely, joke around, tell them about my projects and ideas and get really engaged with their projects and ideas.
When I spoke to people who I thought were better than me, I just froze up and couldn’t think of anything to say. I wanted to impress them with knowledge about their industry, and I didn’t think that they would be interested in any of the stuff that I was doing, or that any of my opinions about the world were good enough for them to hear. I thought that they were too important to hear from me. So the conversations would start awkwardly (with me praising them) and be awkward (because I couldn’t think of anything else to say), before I shuffled away awkwardly (and relieved!). I had it that my projects weren’t good enough, that I hadn’t proved myself yet (because I wasn’t mega-wealthy), and that hence, I wasn’t good enough. I was comparing myself to them and all their well-publicised successes, and I was failing miserably.
Last night, while I was walking home from a date with my boyfriend, I told him that I had to make lots of money so that the next time I went to TED, I would have the confidence to speak to the rich and famous. He told me I was being ridiculous.
What I became really present to, is that “everyone looks silly sitting on the toilet”, and that even though the rich and famous are indeed rich and famous, they are still human. If people are too arrogant or too important for me, then that’s their problem. Most successful people however, become successful by treating people well. Also, just because someone is rich, doesn’t mean that they are respected; and some of the world’s most respected people, like Nelson Mandela, the Dalai Lama, and the late Mother Theresa, aren’t/weren’t necessarily amazingly wealthy. Lastly, having lots of money isn’t a prerequisite to doing great things in the world. I have the will and ambition to do great things in the world, and so I will find the money to do them.
This is a great victory over the past, as I now know that I won’t be shy to tell anyone - whether the poorest beggar on the street, or the wealthiest men in the world - about myself and my projects. If they can’t respect me for who I am and what I stand for in this world, then it is their problem. I declare that all men and women are equal!
November 13th, 2009 at 2:35 AM
Sounds good. That’s what I tried to tell you when you came back from TED and told me that you didn’t speak to any famous people.
In fact, it’s your problem for not having spoken to them, though you wanted to.
I wouldn’t speak to them personally, because I have nothing important to tell them!
November 13th, 2009 at 10:35 PM
As someone who’s known you for forever, I have to tell you that my parents always admired your mother and had a great deal of respect for your family and you. My mother even sent me a cut out clipping of an article in one of the local newspaper with all the OP1 students from St Mary’s with a note about you in first year uni! (I still have it somewhere I think.)
So, while you are right about everyone being human and equal underneath it all, as an extension of that, I think that to anyone who matters we are measured by our achievements.
(I say this as someone who gets horribly star struck too! )
November 13th, 2009 at 10:51 PM
Marita! You are the last person in the world who should feel inferior to others!
But I can understand getting tongue-tied in front of great people…still you did get me Imogen Heap’s signature : )
Yaay hopefully loads of people will watch the mech eng song now!
November 14th, 2009 at 1:34 AM
Being tongue-tied is just a bit silly. What is it, is it their presence that is so overwhelmingly mind-blowing? Is it that you’d like to stay by their spiritual aura? Do they have a particular odor about them?
Idolism is such a strange way: what’s the point?
A handshake, a smile, a mutual recognition of each other’s existence in this world is a perfectly adequate way of interacting with these seemingly ‘important’ persons- plainly because, I ask, what ELSE might you do? Tell them your life story? Ask about their life story? Exchange t-shirts? Clean out their ear-wax for them? What?
Well, sure, if you get the opportunity to converse, you still *don’t* have to tell them all about yourself either- if they ask, of course, don’t be afraid to tell’em.
But only if they ask.
Don’t feel inferior, but then again, don’t forget social norms just because they’re ‘:O omfg it’s so-and-so’ famous.
November 14th, 2009 at 1:38 AM
‘Do not be afraid of the wealthy: some are born wealthy, some acquire wealth, others have wealth thrust upon them.’ - Shakespeare (actually i’m just putting words in Shakespeare’s mouth, which is just as well. He’s more famous than I, you see)
November 19th, 2009 at 7:38 PM
Thanks Paula. It means a lot to me. I’ll tell my mum.