It’s quite simple, network to give, and not to get.
You’ll be seen as someone who is selfless, gets things done, and is of service to others. Who wouldn’t want to know you?
If you do things in order to get things in return or to leverage control. Would you want to know you?
Seth Godin blogs everyday. I know that within a 24-hour period, there will be a new blog post from him.
But it wasn’t always like that. If you go through his archives, you’ll see that he only blogged 50 times in his first year, twice with only one post a month! It wasn’t only until a few years later that he began religiously blogging everyday.
Every Grammy award-winning artist had to sing their first note or touch an instrument for the first time, Richard Branson ran a free student magazine for 5 years before selling records to customers, and Bill Gates wrote computer games before creating himself bigger projects to tackle.
Sure, some Grammy award-winning artists began their careers at two, Branson left school at 15 for his venture, and at 13, Bill Gates had only started being a teenager before giving coding a shot. But, Susan Boyle is only receiving worldwide recognition now at 48, Ray Kroc was 59 when he purchased the McDonald’s franchise, and here are another 8 entrepreneurs over the age of 80.
One of the most challenging parts of a project is the start* - taking the leap of faith in yourself to tackle a new project. Once you commit your word, time and energy towards a venture though, momentum grows and you are fueled by that momentum to continue.
So start somewhere! Be the one who asks all the questions. Find out what you need to get your project going. Write out your goal and how you’re going to get there. Work out what you need to get the plan to work. Learn the instrument. Begin your venture. Start coding.
(*The most challenging part of course, is to keep going - but that’s another story.)
“Have you thought about this?”
“What about that?”
“Instead of that, why don’t you try this?”
“I think this method works better than that.”
The conversation of impossible occurs when you can’t see the route from where you are now, to where you want to be. Rather than dwell in all the conversations that detract from your path, (”you can’t do that”, “I don’t really see how that’s possible”, “I don’t think you’re qualified”, “you’re insane”, “I don’t think that’s going to work”,) surround yourself with people who have conversations about what is impossible - and the routes that may be taken to get there.
Like attracts like.
Be the kind of person who has these conversations. Give without expecting in return, contribute without asking “what’s in it for me?”, encourage others to open their minds, cheer people on, stand for people doing things that they never thought possible. Then you will be surrounded by people en route to impossible.
In thermodynamics, you can define the state of any simple compressible system by two independent intensive properties. A simple compressible system is one where the effects of gravity and motion can be neglected; independent properties are ones that aren’t related to each other; and intensive properties are characteristics of the state whose magnitudes are not dependent on mass.
What doesn’t define a state though, is the process by which it arrived - the length of time, order the components were added, or the method used for heating and cooling. It doesn’t make a difference whether 4 days or 4 seconds was taken, whether something was frozen in the freezer or given a douse of dry ice. What matters is that the required properties are reached to make it the correct state.
Similarly, you can write a computer program in C++ which does something in 200 lines that Python could do in 40 lines; you can spend 5 minutes working out the square root of a number to 3 decimels on paper that you could spend 5 calculator keystrokes on; or you can either take 6 detours by public transport and get lost, or drive straight from your house via the shortest route in 15 minutes and in both cases, still make the 11am meeting. To the end user, the result of the equation and the other attendees at the meeting, it shouldn’t make a difference.
If you’re accountable for getting work done, it doesn’t matter how long the work takes, what the temperature was while you were doing it (or not doing it), or what method you chose for getting it done, what matters is that you get it done.
Bette Midler sang about “the wind beneath her wings”.
Jesse “Lionheart” Martin cleared the world by the power of the wind.
And the Japanese wouldn’t be able to launch their giant kites without the help of a good gust.
You don’t need much to go windsurfing – just a board, boom and sail. But you’re not going to get very far.
Sitting beachside in Egypt, no one’s windsurfing because there’s no wind.
In order to do stuff, you need wind. Whether that be money from VCs, donations from the community, a second mortgage from your parents, or just someone to hold your hand when times get tough.
You can get by life with just food, water and shelter; but the wind is what gets you moving.
You can have the best computer, but not know how to turn it on.
Own the oldest violin and not know how to saw a simple tune.
Buy the fastest car and not feel confident spinning it to its potential.
Or harbour the grandest piano but not know how to play.
While having the best equipment is important for professionals taking their performance to the highest level, it’s not necessary for the beginner.
In “Hey Arthur!” Muffy boasts of her beautiful violin, but cannot make it sound good for the life of her, while Binky manages to make a headed-for-the-dumps violin’s notes soar.
The best equipment can only help you so far. What matters more is your skill in execution.
If sails are lined up on the shore next to each other, when one falls down, it hits the next sail, causing that to fall; that sail hits the next sail, causing it to fall; that falling sail causes the next one to fall … and they all end up falling.
The lesson? Remove yourself from the line, so that when others fall, you don’t.
The great thing about friends is that they’re compassionately straight with you: they tell you what’s on their mind, while still looking out for you.
The greatest friendships are those where you can be bleeding obvious with each other, even if it stings and even if one person doesn’t want to hear it, out of the other person’s commitment to having their friend’s life work how they know they want it to.
The bleeding obvious is like:
- Spinach between your teeth.
- Tomato sauce on your blouse.
- Sleep in your eyes.
- Chocolate on your cheek.
- Snot on the side of your nose.
The things everyone notices but isn’t game enough to say.
- Prolonged silences.
- White lies.
- Someone saying, “oh yeah. That’s cool.” When they have no idea what you’re talking about.
- Someone saying, “oh, ok.” When they’re not listening to what you’re saying.
- Unanswered questions.
Nuances in speech that can make people feel awkward or uncomfortable.
The best communicators acknowledge what’s going on.
When you have a problem, the best way to solve it is by talking to a friend. They already know you, and so they can hold up a mirror and say, “look what’s really going on. You know what you have to do, so do it.” They help you see the bleeding obvious for yourself.
Look at Green Day perform. They exude confidence. They own the stage, and everything they do earns the approval of the audience.
Compare them to some of the entrants in the early stages of an Idol competition. They shuffle around the stage in the hopes of earning brownie points from the judges - hoping that they’ll make it through that round and get a shot at stardom.
The difference?
Green Day have made it. They’ve sold over 65 million records, they’ve been around for over two decades (an indicator of success in itself of a band) and they have an enormous fan base. The Idols don’t have any of that.
But still, the early Idol competitors don’t have to be feet shufflers. They don’t have to awkwardly seek our approval - they don’t have to get anywhere.
They just have to strip away their self-inhibitions, because they too have nothing to prove. The performers who win our hearts aren’t out to prove that they can; they’re out to do great performances.
Those with the luxury (money and an unconditional offer), pick their university based on:
- What they’ll be studying.
- What they hope to do when they’re not studying.
- What they hope to do after their studies.
They want value for their time.
Similarly, when you’re choosing between different brands at the supermarket, you are thinking:
- Should I save more by buying the generic brand?
- Why is the branded kind worth more anyway?
- Why will I benefit more from the branded kind?
- Which branded kind should I buy?
You want value from your purchase.
People are always asking:
- What’s in it for me?
- Will is help my family/friends?
- Will it increase my career options?
- Will it improve my life?
If you want people to be involved, if you want people to engage, if you want people’s time- make it worth their time; give value to them. Or to their family. Their friends. Improve their career options. Improve their life.
