It’s not you
If your teacher comments on your work and tells you it can be better; it’s not you, it’s your work.
If the person behind the counter snaps at you for asking a simple question; it’s not you, it’s them.
If someone doesn’t want to help out with the fabulous, brilliant project that you have planned; it’s not you, it’s your project.
Don’t take things personally.
Your teacher was probably thrilled that you, their student, had the initiative to create work on your own accord and show it to them. A good teacher will teach you and nurture you to learn and grow to your potential in every field - in academia and as a person. They are not out to make you feel bad about the work you have done.
The person behind the counter probably had things on their mind - maybe their mother is in hospital, or their relationship is falling apart. You don’t know. Sometimes people are grumpy because they want other people to get related to them - for others to know and relate to their pain. Be kind to people, for we all have our worries.
Someone doesn’t want to help with your project? There are over 6 billion people on this planet. Find someone else who does.
Don’t be offended by what people say or how people act. The only person who can make you feel bad or lose your confidence is yourself. Don’t give other people permission.
February 11th, 2009 at 10:52 AM
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Plato
February 13th, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Your teacher praises your work: says that its complete, brilliant and inspiring…
…how do you take that - is it you or your work?
February 13th, 2009 at 5:27 PM
People often comment on how an artist has put their heart and soul into a creation, which might still be felt hundreds of years later in an art gallery or concert hall - whose soul is that?
You have spent countless hours in the early morning writing a speech, composing a piece of music or designing a machine - during that time this was your only motive, your sole purpose - so of course that work will have a part of you in it.
When you feel pride in a good piece of work, you are proud of the way you have made it. When you are unhappy with a piece of work, you are unhappy that you did not achieve the expected standard. In either case the work was done by you, and you are ultimately responsible for it. Sure, you can hide behind excuses, but just like a parent is ultimately responsible for their child, you are ultimately responsible for your work. A child is always a part of its parents, and in the same way your work will always be a part of you.
If you are straight with yourself, and do not deceive your mind, then you will always take comments personally, because that is how they should be taken. But in the same way as sparing someone anguish by disguising the truth might be done, deceiving your mind and shifting responsibility will also stabilise your emotional state.
Would you disguise the truth from a loved one to spare them a few tears and live the rest of your life in a lie that grows ever wider? - decide for yourself.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:21 AM
Dear Mikhail,
Regardless of whether the teacher says my work is complete, brilliant and inspiring - or not, I don’t take it personally. That’s great they think it’s complete! That’s great they think it’s brilliant! That’s great they’re inspired by it! It doesn’t mean that I’m all those things - it doesn’t mean anything.
People say lots of things. Putting one’s “heart and soul” into a creation is just a saying.
I don’t take comments personally because I don’t see how someone saying, “Marita your writing is really great” could mean, “Marita, you are really great.” That’s not what was said. Similarly, someone saying, “Marita, you write shit” does not mean, “Marita, you are shit”. I am being straight with myself and I am not deceiving my mind. I’m taking what someone said as what someone said. However, if someone were to say, “Marita you are shit”. That doesn’t meant that I’m shit. That’s just someone’s opinion. They could think that I’m the worst thing on the planet, they could just be trying to disarm me and make me feel bad, or they could just be having a really bad day and wanting other people to get in their world and experience having a bad day too. I don’t know what’s going on for someone when someone criticises/praises me. It does not mean that I am what they say I am, and it is definitely not the truth.
There is no truth in opinion, only truth in what happened. You can “truly” feel something, but that does not mean that your feelings are the truth. They are just feelings. With respect to things that happen, I would not hide the truth about something that had happened that would affect someone I love. I could not live my life in that lie, and I would not let the ones I love live that way either.
Marita